Seasons of Candy

Easter is officially behind us, taking with it my favourite candy season of the year. I know some of you may have thought Halloween would be my favourite, but you’d be wrong. It’s Easter. Still more of you may have been thinking “candy season? What the heck is that?” and we, sir, are just too different.

In my personal, expert opinion, Easter has by far the most superior candy. Halloween offers an excellent variety of bite size treats, a plus for a fickle snacker such as myself, but it’s the same stuff available year round. Whereas Easter has in its retinue: Eggies, Mini Eggs, Mini Creme Eggs, Robins Eggs and large peanut butter varietals such as these:

Yes, one of them is an empty wrapper. I’m not made of stone!

How could any other season compete? Not Christmas, with its horrible boxes of Pot Of Gold chocolate, candy canes, After Eights and Ferrero Rocher, which I know some people love but they’ve honestly never filled me with excitement.

Summer is pretty good with its zany collection of twizzlers, nerds, fun dip, gobstoppers, popsicles and smores. (And before you go telling me that smores suck, you’re just not making them correctly! The key is to have a little grill for the fire, so that you can warm the graham cracker and chocolate while you’re toasting the marshmallow.) Everything is bright, colourful and vaguely fruit flavoured. Summer basically provides everything you need short of cocaine to keep you buzzed all day and long into the night.

The worst candy season by far is Valentine’s. For a season that celebrates romancing your partner with chocolate, the selection is abysmal. Unless you like heart-shaped boxes of tooth-crackingly hard chocolate filled with the worst flavours known to humankind. They take things that should be delicious, like caramel and coffee cream and make them so bad you won’t touch them unless you’ve reached a level of desperation that can only be described as ‘nuclear’.

So am I a little sad that Easter is over and the drugstores have already cleared their racks of the good stuff? Yes. But if it means summer is almost here I’m happy to snort a pixie stick and wait until next year. I like candy, but I love sunshine more.

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