1. My husband spent several weeks doing a deep dive into which new TV would best suit his gaming needs.
2. We get 8-10 hours of sleep. Per night.
3. The closest thing to a primary colour in our house is my turquoise china cabinet.
4. We leave our candy and chocolate out in the open.
5. Our Netflix queue is exclusively murder related.
6. Our weekends never involve zoos, play dates, jungle gyms or screaming.
7. The grocery store is a chore, not an escape.
8. None of our furniture decisons were based on stain resistance.
9. There’s a rig and anti-gravity yoga hammock set up in our living room.
10. We’re smug as fuck. (For real. When I told my husband I was writing this list, he literally asked me “Oh, is ‘we’re happy’ number one?”)
In all seriousness, to my lovely breeding friends, I know you love your kids and your life with them. At least, I sincerely hope so, because I cannot for the life of me fathom why you would subject yourselves to it otherwise.
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Melanie Cole 