Full Slug

The amount of inactivity I’ve experienced during this pandemic has been… intense. To be perfectly honest, I’ve gone full slug. After a few brief attempts at home workouts in the beginning – in which I discovered that I don’t enjoy cardio of any kind and having my muscles burn and go wobbly does not fill me with any of the prophesied euphoria touted by fitness gurus – I gave up.

Call me crazy, but if the fitness activity doesn’t serve an identifiable purpose, I find myself incapable of caring. Yes, fitness has an obvious purpose on its own – to remain fit (it’s in the name. I get it), but I’m talking more about the applicability of that fitness.

I enjoy exercise where I’m learning a skill. Dancing, for example, or knife fighting. I come away with a fun or useful talent, and as an added bonus I’ve taken care of my body. (I suppose running could be rebranded as chase practice, in case you’re ever being chased by a murderer, kidnapper or band of rabid zombies, but frankly I don’t think it will take off.)

Pre-pandemic, I was taking aerial silks and anti-gravity yoga. In case I ever needed to forgo my identity and join a traveling circus. Just kidding, it was entirely because it made me feel cool and badass. When that was no longer available, I made do going for long walks to get gelato (applicable fitness) until winter arrived and I was, for the most part, housebound.

Did you know you can get injured sleeping on your couch all day? Because you can. It turns out being a slouchy, comatose slug isn’t good for your neck. Or back. Or hip flexors. You get headaches and you’re sore and miserable and according to my husband, whiny. (Disagree). And then sometimes your entire neck gets fed up and goes into full spasm and you need to book immediate emergency massage and acupuncture appointments and it takes several weeks before you can fully turn your neck again.

There was only one clear, logical solution to my slug problem.

Buy a rig and antigravity yoga hammock!

Sure, some might find it odd to rearrange their house and set up a rig in their living room. But those people aren’t visionaries. And they’ve clearly never known the bliss of hanging upside down after a long day. And yes, you can also take naps in it. Well deserved naps after a hearty workout!

Is it an extreme solution? Maybe. Have I installed a large tripping hazard in an area of the house we use daily? Ahem, perhaps. But does it make me feel amazing, and have I used it almost daily since I’ve set it up? Yes and yes!

So, I guess what I’m saying is, do whatever badass thing makes you feel great. And realize that coming to my house sometimes means getting kicked in the head. I swear, it’s for fitness.

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