How To Have A Killer Halloween

With the world on hold due to pandemic/apocalypse reasons, you might think there’s no way to have a great Halloween. Social distancing rules out a lot of the traditional Halloween activities (or deeply inhibits them). And sure, trick or treating, pumpkin carving and parties are fun, I mean, if you’re into that. But why not get back to more traditional Halloween roots with something more… authentic? The following list of activities is sure to guarantee a true Halloween experience.

Get ready to have some fun when you…

Open A Hellmouth

Decided to embrace the spirit of Halloween and open a hellmouth? Good for you! There are a number of ways to open a demonic portal and unleash terrifying monsters on Earth. The most straight forward method is to gather a few unholy relics and perform a ritual to open a gateway to hell. Too easy? A slightly more complicated approach is to locate a building owned by an ex-communicated priest guarding a hell opening. It might be a tad tricky to get him to let you open it, but I’m sure you’re up for the challenge. Or, if you’re good at puzzles, head to your local game store and pick up a demonic puzzle box. Solve that sucker and boom! You’ve got yourself an opening to hell!

Get Brutally Murdered

Nothing says Halloween like getting murdered by an un-killable serial killer. How do you find one? The easiest way is to babysit on Halloween, ideally on a farm or acreage outside of town. Make sure there’s terrible cell phone reception, or plan ahead and drain the battery! Otherwise, you and a few friends should definitely party at an abandoned theme park or head down to that lake where that group of teens were horribly murdered one hundred years ago tonight. Make sure you split up! Everyone wins when you take on a demented killer solo!

Resurrect The Dead

Why let the dead stay dead when they can come back and eat your flesh? If you’re eager for a thrilling game of tag with a hungry corpse, all you need to do is read from the book of the dead. Or, you can try developing a face cream or drug that makes people live forever. Make sure you get it horribly, horribly wrong. Don’t want to go through all that rigamorale? Perform a spell with a lock of a dead loved one’s hair. They’ll come back all kinds of wrong!

Activate A Witch’s Curse

Everyone knows if you’re dumb enough to execute a witch, she’s going to return to life a few hundred years later and enact her revenge. If you’re getting impatient, you can summon her any number of ways but I recommend lighting a black flame candle. No witches murdered in your town? Find a live one and fall in love with her. She’s sure to be cursed so that anyone she loves dies a terrible death.

Get Possessed

There are a couple of ways to get possessed. You can use a ouija board, which basically leaves your body open to possession like a wide open door on a hot summer night invites swarms of mosquitos. Holding a seance is always a classic as well, especially if someone gets freaked out and runs away before you can close the circle at the end. A personal favourite of mine is to move your family into a house or hotel where someone murdered their entire family. Their ghost is sure to possess you and drive you to do the same. Fun! However, if you prefer your possession to be demonic, stick with the ouija board. They’re drawn to those things like wasps to syrup.

Get Hunted By A Malevolent Ghost

Mirrors are your friend here. All you have to do is look in one and repeat a cursed phrase 3-5 times (Bloody Mary and Candyman are good ones), or you can look in a specific mirror that has itself been cursed. Ditto with cursed videos, which can often be found on the internet. If you’re particularly ambitious, you can build your house on an ancient burial site, but make sure you’re disrespectful to the remains if you do. Follow any of these steps and you and your family will be hunted down by an unstoppable spirit in no time!

Hopefully you’ve found something on this list to give you the truly horrifying Halloween you crave. And just remember, as a rule of thumb this Halloween, if Stephen King thinks his characters should do it, it’s probably a good idea.

Thanks for reading! Please subscribe and share!

%d bloggers like this: